Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
