man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we made out on top of his cat.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
