Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
