Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
