i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
