We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
