and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
