oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
