Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
