Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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