hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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