he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
