I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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