I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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