things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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