you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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