Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize