How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
