i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
