i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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