I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
