mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
