My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
