mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
