You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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