He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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