no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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