A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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