They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He felt like a one man threesome
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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