Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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