there were more penises there than on chat roulette
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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