you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
