so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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