That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
