Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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