how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
