she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
