margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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