Umm I'm too high to move.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
