The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
they need to just BURY HIM!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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