I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
