I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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