We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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