I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
