I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
