you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize