I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
