Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
