do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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