The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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