her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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