nut hugger
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
