I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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