I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
