If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
