Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
