I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
