Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize