To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
im holly from the hills drunk
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
