he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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