four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
