I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
