nutella sex= disaster
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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