Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
