I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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