Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
