well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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