you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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