it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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