Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
