She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
