Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
