But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
