If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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