They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
