Im at strip club and am horny
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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