I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
