my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
