Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
