I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
