I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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