Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
