life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
