drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
They should really pass out barf bags in church
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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