we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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