I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Did I show you my penis last night?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
