i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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