Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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