Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
