I skipped work to stalk him.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
