I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
