Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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