sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
