Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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