if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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