Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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