It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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