Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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