I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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