so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
