Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'm going to jail i love you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
