Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
